28.10.05

ok.. im def retained... all my appeals din go thru.. pple.. pls dun ever try to appeal to ac... they'll jus piss u off even more... they really gotta review why the hell their students die off more than the other jcs...

i cant blame anybody but blame me myself lah.. it really hurts. i cant blame HER.. i cant blame track.. i cant blame anything! but if im retained.. there has to be a reason.. things dun always go my way. it sux. but what can i say. this whole year has been horrible... disappointments after disappointments.. im not sayin that there weren't any high and gd times... but its like... things jus keep hitting u one after the other.. n it really hurts... it really does.. jus watching urself rot away... and not being able to do anything to help or to prevent the disappointments...

i feel like a failure... but then again, failure is not entirely defined by grades. yeh.. i feel like a failure but yet again, i feel on top of the world.. i still have gerry.. my lil wu gui.. my bro.. yeh.. my mom mite not forcefully pack me off to poly. so that's a gd thing? i wouldn noe yet.. i should stop bein bitter bout how shit up ac is... it isn.. im jus a victim of my own undoing.. there are alot of 'what-ifs' and 'i-should-have'... but nothing said or done would get me what i want. it cant bring back my lost glory in shot.. it cant bring back jo... it cant bring back my results.. it cant take away my bitterness... if this is useless to anything i do, i think i better get out of it. but saying it is always easier than doing it. shit.. it hurts... so much..

you wont see me in the newspapers.. it jus isn me. to give up is to really be a failure.. and i dun want to encroach that boundary. i've walked away from the past. tho its beckoning onto me, yet again i say... save the beer for happy occasions, the cutter to cut paper, and the pills for headaches..

BOOYA!