29.8.05

today was a big blow to me.. well actually sunday.. cos now's already midnite plus.. jus b4 cell i got a call from aunty may-ann.. she was accusin me of causin jo to be like this.. she din give me a chance to tell her my side of the story but then again i couldn.. cos she doesn noe bout me n jo.. oly uncle james does. i felt downright lousy. damn lousy. still am feeling lousy..

aunty may isn the kinda person who pts fingers any ol how.. but its human nature to do so.. it is human nature to push the blame to somebody else.. n i shall bear the brunt of it.. sigh.. uncle james din noe that she called me.. wen he found out, he was tryin to defend me n they got into a heated argument when aunty may snapped n fainted.. good god.. its damn difficult on uncle james n me now..

i asked earlier today if i could do anythin for uncle james n he said no.. all he needed was some slp.. which he couldn.. cos he had no peace of mind.. same situation as me.. all in the same boat tgth.. then l8r on, he got me to go to his home n pick up the box of letters that jo keeps and send it over.. the box which contained every single letter i wrote to her... i never realized how much letters i wrote to her.. i was rummagin thru all the letters wen i saw a small one.. which was addressed to me... i read it... n now i noe why she never got the chance to give it to me.............. i really regret doin some of the things i did.. hell.. i cant keep feelin like this...

i jus feel sad.. disappointed.. upset... dejected... rejected... oppressed... suppressed...

BOOYA!