17.7.05

which hurts more?? physical pain?? or emotional pain?? hmm.. well, it doesn really matter, cos wen both hurts, it hurts like hell.

i make the same mistakes i've tried to avoid. it looks as if my life's jus supp to be a big deja vu.. the situation might change, but the mistake's always the same. its jus damn bloody tiring. it eats up alot inside. u feel as tho ur runnin on empty. i am runnin on empty. there's nothing left to fuel me anymore. track's gone, somebody's gone, everybody's gone, everything's gone. i dun have a distraction. i need a distraction.. jus ta take my mind of it and everything else. i need a special release. can anybody understand me, would anybody understand me? of cos not... cos i myself dun understand it. im jus plain confused... help. haha. its drivin me insane. im feelin this way, but i aint feelin this way.

hmm.. i think it musta been the past 3 nites where i havent really slept.. im jus sproutin gibberish. haha. i need ta start trng again. but then again, i need a break. but im afraid that i'll drop. aiyo. i shouldn think too much aye? bleahz. hmm. i jus realized that the bigger problem has always been there. its whether i wanted to acknowledge it or not. i've always used everything else as a distraction. and now wen these distractions start to disappear one by one... OH NOOO.. hmm. pit hole..

i should stop bein so tough on myself. i should relax abit more on my throws? i should also start to study. i should start asking for major help cos i noe nothing since the 2nd term started. i should stop liking the wrong person. i should live the life of a recluse? i should lose weight, so i can be faster. i should jus sink into a hole n not get out. i should write a song bout i shoulds. haha.

im psychotic. first is i could've. now its i should.. wen's i would? madness madness madness. anybody wanna call the whitewagon for me? my new uniform wouldn be ac uni but a strait jacket.... STOP THINKING DAMNIT.. arrgghh.

BOOYA!