28.7.05

u noe sumth... i really wish u'd jus listen to me.. u jus refuse to... n u end up hurtin urself... and me.. are u shocked that i can even hurt? look baby, i dun want to make u hate me. i really cant keep up anymore. i've been shellin it all in. i've listened to ur reasoning but u never gave me a chance to air mine. all i ask, is that u clear ur mind n try to think rationally. maybe i should've done all this earlier but then again, better late than never? i jus want u to understand where im comin from baby... we need to clarify stuff out.

i cant take u back baby. i jus cant. it kills me sayin it but im standing by it. i cant take u back. jus calm down baby. dun jump the gun on me... baseline is, maybe i dont love u as much anymore.. baby, the fact is i've almost gotten over u. i have gotten over u. but im sufferin a really bad case of loneliness syndrome n ever since u've told me that in that 2 yrs of tellin me to move on, u couldn move on, its almost tearin me up cos i took that same amt of time gettin over u. u kept forcin me to move on. u was jus puttin up a front while all the time hopin i'd come back to u. what were u thinking? i took such a long time n even up till now i remain single for i refuse to be wif someone else whom i'd waste my love on. the same amt of love i had given u. i'd be shortchanging u. leavin u to be wif somebody who dun appreciate me? no way baby..

the syndrome is really wearin away my heart n mind. all the 'what ifs' have come floodin back to me. what if i had taken u back. what if i had done this... done that. they're all but ifs. i was ok prior to discoverin u hadn moved on at all n wanted me back.. but after u told me, it felt as tho i was startin to have feelings for u again.. but baby... its like me likin u oly cos u like me first. mebbe the word should be lovin.. and then i take u in... how platonic would this new relationship be baby?? it would end as fast as us jus merely have a disagreement over sumth really trivial. its not worth it anymore.... it never was. it was affinity the first time baby. rmb the time wen shu liked the kid but the kid din like her back? it was oly cos she told the kid that the kid liked her back? n it ended out way horrible? i hate to pull her into this n use her as an eg but think abt it baby. u hated it rmb?? dun do this to urself. im bein honest wif u. i find myself feelin like shit cos im oly lovin u again cos ur tellin me that u love me.

another thing baby... where are we located?? on 2 diff ends of the world let me remind u.. im still here in s'pore but ur in the US, sunny california.. are u kiddin me baby? that's 12 hrs difference as well. yes, we could always keep a LDR. but would that be fair? to the both of us? i already told u it wont be the same cos i dun love u as much, the same as i did b4... its gonna be diff to keep the LDR goin. n now that shu's sayin that ur stressed n emotionally unstable n all n cos of me not lovin u as much, wont there be a thing of trust? we'd oly be able to talk to each other on the phone or chat on msn. but thats it. u cant be keepin watch all the time.. both of us mite start to question the other n we'll jus strain further apart. we'd be tearin n wearin each other down. n the time difference.. who's gonna stay up? who's gonna talk early? its all gon be some big compromise.. its gettin strainy. maybe im bein selfish.. but think bout it.. jus think. i dunno bout u... but its gonna eat me up, swallow me whole.

baby.. i need somebody to hold... somebody whom i can put to slp... yeh.. like the ol 3am days. those were memories.. gd ones at that. u think i can go on? wif all that water that separates us? yeh i dun wanna hurt us no more. i dun wanna be hurt cos of this anymore. 2 yrs baby.. 2 yrs! 2 god damn cockamamie years baby. pls dun get mad at me. i jus wanna resolve this. i need to slp. each time i slp, i dream bout u.. that would be of course heaven, in the past.. but now.. i see u.. n what do we do? we argue n then u cry.. i wake up screamin cos of sumth u say.. it really kills me. i've skipped sch like massively. im not blaming u for this but i've gotta stop this. oly u can help me baby. n this will help u too. so all i pray n ask of u, is that u'll think this thru carefully baby. i love u baby, truly i do. but now just as a fren n nothin more in kind. i hope u'll understand this. i cant go on hurting u anymore. wotcher baby.........

BOOYA!